We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
