if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
