so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You pole danced in your parka.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
