But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This house was built for laser tag.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
