I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
