How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
