rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
