i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
