New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
