but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
