I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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