I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
