So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We were destined to go to rehab together
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
