Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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