I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
