I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
