You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
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he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
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thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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