May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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