I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
