I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
