But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
