I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I can't turn off my feet"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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