You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
