I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
