I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
