i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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