I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
