thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
