Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
