garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
