Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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