i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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