Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Drake has all the answers
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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