Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize