You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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