somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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