I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just pee around me
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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