Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
