It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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