At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
