In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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