Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
