um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
