Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
