it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
