We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
