During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize