I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
