Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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