i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
