So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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