Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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