my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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