Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
