I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
