i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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