I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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