My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
