we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
