I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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