I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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